Are You The Villain in Someone Else’s Story? Here’s How to Stop Feeling Bad About Your Imperfections
- The Softest Heart
- Aug 19
- 3 min read
At some point, we will be the villain in someone else's story. But if you're someone who is easily affected by other people's perceptions, and can empathize with their perspective - what's the secret to not letting it affect you? This article will help you stop villainizing yourself by considering the subtle strength within your imperfections.
Article Contents: (Click to be Taken to Section Directly)
Negativity Is Part of Our Societal Framework - It Does Not Have to Be a Part of Your Mentality
Let's start off by considering how societal norms have contributed to the way negativity leaves an impression our self-concept.
Ask yourself how many times you've tended to hyperfocus on the bad of a "do you want the good news or bad news first?" type of a conversation? Or braced yourself for the "areas of improvement" section of a workplace evaluation?
Our harsh inner critic has been wired to listen to negative feedback we receive.
We All Have Flaws - Do They All Need Fixing?
As a soft person who is prone to overthinking, I've personally struggled with these challenges. It was difficult when criticism I received was an inherent part of my personality.
An example came from the way I would slow my rate of speech during conflict. Whenever I try to clarify a point of confusion, I'll purposefully take my time. I want to make sure the words that come out of my mouth aren't something I'll regret later.
People have told me this comes across as being condescending, and of course, I don't like the idea of anyone feeling this way. Since then, I've spent a lot of time trying to refine what I perceived as an "imperfect" part of my personality, and would dwell on how others interpreted the words I say.
Are You The Villain in Someone Else’s Story? Here’s How to Stop Feeling Bad About Your Imperfections
It wasn't until one of my teachers talked about the incredible knowledge retention within indigenous cultures that I was able to think differently about a negative quality I had perceived.
I learned slow, cyclical speech was a way for generation-to-generation to pass knowledge through storytelling. It was and continues to be a powerful method of accurately conveying vital information.
Now, you're probably wondering - “What does that have to do with people calling you condescending or stopping you from villainizing yourself over a perceived negative quality?"
What I'm trying to illustrate is giving your harsh inner critic evidence that your flaws actually have a strength within them is a powerful way to stop penalizing yourself.
Common Examples of Personality "Flaws" and the Subtle Strengths Within Them
In my case, I've accepted the way I speak may be flawed. For you, the situation might be slightly different.
For example, maybe you're told that you're too blunt when you argue. Your harsh inner critic makes you feel like being blunt isn't society acceptable.
However, being this way has also provided you with closure.
Being able to walk away from an argument knowing the other person involved knew exactly what you were saying. Had you beat around the bush, you might have had to rehash it over and over again because there was confusion around what you were trying to say initially.
Or maybe, you struggle with emotional regulation and someone has labeled you as a crybaby after villainizing you in an argument.
Allowing yourself to cry has provided with your body with a powerful outlet for release.
You could've repressed your emotions, only to let them fester and make you miserable. In this instance, giving yourself permission to cry should be seen as a strength.
Conclusion:
It's not always easy to separate others' opinions from our harsh inner critic. Especially when we're societally wired to pay more attention to negativity. But if we can give our harsh inner critic a different way to think about our flaws, we can start to release some of the stress from being portrayed as a villain in someone else's story.
Tell me in the comments below - what strengths can you identify in the flaws you previously perceived?
Stay connected across platforms!
Instagram: @TheSoftestHeart
TikTok: @TheSoftestHeart
X: @softestheartonX
YouTube: @TheSoftestHeart
Disclaimer: The article and video above feature a mindset coaching strategy and is not intended to be received as medical advice.
The Softest Heart® - A safe space for you to Elevate Your EQ®.
Copyright The Softest Heart® 2025. All rights reserved.
Comments